In Closing

Rectifying my poor decision from the previous night.

May 15, 2009.

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I got the closure I needed tonight by getting the answers I needed.

You couldn't make the promise to me that we would get back together, because that promise would take precedence over the promises you need to make to yourself: to get better, and to become a better person for yourself... not for someone else. I'm pretty sure I said those things when we were together. "Don't do this for me, do this for you." Sounds familiar, anyway, but I'm glad you've finally decided to do that, even if it did cost us our love.

You're an incredibly smart, strong, and brave person, Jessica. You made a choice I could never have made. I hope you get to the point where you do respect and value yourself above anyone else. You're a beautiful person, outside and inside, and you deserve to realize that. You're special.

I have to remind myself that I did everything I could possibly do to help you and to save our relationship. Otherwise I'll start looking for reasons to blame myself. I know I'm not perfect, and I know I need to work on some areas of "me" still, but I really did give you everything I had. It wasn't that it wasn't enough, it's that it wasn't what you needed. You needed you, and you couldn't replace you with me. That's no kind of life, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

As much as it hurts right now to accept that we may never share the love we had again, I actually do feel better. I have a reason why we couldn't work, where before (since the breakup) I've just been going nuts looking for any possible reason. I did come up with some pretty insane stuff too.

Above all else, Jessica, you were my best friend. I will always care about you in that way. I am rooting for you always, and I wish you a life filled with happiness and fulfillment. I'll always look back on what we shared as the most precious thing in my life. Thank you for everything.

Your Friend,
Chewy